So........Im single......

Hmm

Well, Ive actually come to terms with it now even though I figured it would take longer to recover after a devastating blow this past weekend.. However, Ive actually had some deep thinking time and I realized that I care for this girl so much that if she has to be happy with another guy to be happy, the key is as long as she is happy.

Now, Im still feeling some type of way with the phrase "You should never date your friends ex" and with that being the situation but all sorts of information is coming my way NOW AFTER ITS OVER on what I should have heard about 3 weeks or so ago.. Its kinda funny that many people I considered to be my friends and to help me out in situations like this just turn their back or said I have bullshit coming out of my mouth, cant be trusted or all sorts of miscellaneous accusations

Now, its funny that throughout these accusations, no one had the decency to hit me up and get my side of the story, get my thoughts or anything... I guess either A) People arent really cool with me and used me for my car or B) They really think im a deadbeat person which I am not.... Its amazing that it only takes one time for people to just turn their backs

Now, I figured these were the same people who I had their backs last year had mine.. Whenever we needed to go somewhere, I asked ok, who am I taking. And I thought that I was being considerate for others but I guess that is not the case. Im hearing that Im a cheapskate or I only trade rides for sex or all sorts of hoopla....I was blown away when I heard this because im just like "WOW" Yet,to this day, I have never traded a ride for sex.....I might ask for gas money because I had to put gas in my car and im doing a service to you...and thats just the respectable thing to do but instead im all of these different accusations..

Now I really dont care what people think about me because I know for all the people who think negatively about me, there are those who think positive about me and know that I try to do the right thing.. So im not really tripping about the whole ordeal....My thing is everyone is saying that I should have seen this coming.....Ok, Im not at school and everytime I went down there (which was 4 times) everyone smiled as if nothing is wrong...but yet, they said "Well didnt someone mention to you that it starting to go south....that she's not happy?" UHHHHH NO..... Anytime she said she was feeling bad, I would at least try my best to console and do as much as I could within my means...

Now, I guess

1) Helping when her job didnt pay on time
2) Helping when she didnt know if she was coming back to school
3) Coming down 3 times in a month (Which most bf's only visit 1-2 times a semester)

But I guess just being a shoulder to cry on wasnt enough... I guess I wasnt doing more then her.. Now I will admit I did complain a lot about not having a job but its pretty tough out here as many people can plainly see.. My mother told me that 19% of 2009 college grads recieved jobs within 3 months after graduation.... 19%!!!!! Like 81% are struggling in these streets right now and its very sad.. It can get frustrating when every door gets closed in your face and sometimes you have to let it out...but as I said in the last post, its something I have to work on....If something that you see in me might be a problem in the future, I only ask that you bring it to my attention so that I may work on it....

But I guess within all that I have said, people will still have their own biased opinions based on unreliable data and i guess thats life....you either make due or change the game and although I still love her and have feelings for her, I have to let another person do what I couldnt do... I still love her and care for her....but if this is what makes her happy, then I shouldn't ruin the happiness...

So, back on the grind for now..... I had all that on my mind for about two weeks and it was time to release it. I hope that he can make her smile through things that I couldnt

And P.S. IDK if she will see this but if she does, the two times that you were talking about in which I did wrong never happened..... It was a made up story to figure out if you were true to you word about the deal that you said where " Do whatever as long as you get yours"

Peace

Well, people.... Its getting close. Time for me to rise up from student life and become a full fledge adult. I must pay for everything and do everything for myself. Its not like Ive already been practicing already through these last four years of college but now its real. There are no mulligans, no make ups, if you lose, your on the street.

College is on its last leg. Im going into the last month of college and trying to get a job. In a failing economy (which Prez. Obama is currently bringing out) its hard to get the things done but im just trying and praying to god that something will come up so that I can breathe easy for now.

As far as classes are concern, its a good thing I started early on these projects because now everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks and If i wouldnt have started or finished those projects early, id be crying right now. The class that I failed last year, CSC 308, Im like 2/3 of the project finished. I just need to do one last program and then i will be straight. The project isnt due until April 24th but i want it to be done before then. As well as my other group projects.

Well, thats enough for now. I'll update later.

Wow, its been a min since i updated this thing. Jesus, I really was that busy but lets get caught up

Chapter1: End of the semester

So i finally got throught the semester from hell and i must say i am more then pleased with my grades. I mean all of the sleepless nights on finals week had me going insane. But regardless of it all, "Da Comeback Kid" came back.

My Software development and Design class was a tough one. When I took the final, I clearly thought I was gonna fail that test. I was depressed the entire day. The final was out of 150 points. I thought I got a 50 or 60 on it. I ended up with a 110. I was so happy, I nearly busted my head open jumping on the bed and hitting the wall by jumping too far by accident. After that ordeal was done, I had two presentations to do. Keep in mind, that this class, you can pass everything but if you dont pass the final project and exam, you dont pass the class. They account for 40% of your grade. So, needless to say, I was nervous. But regardless, I pulled an 85 on the final and B's in both classes so I was siced. After losing 13 pounds and much sleep, I could finally go home

Chapter 2: Home is where the heart is

So, Ive been home for three weeks and this is the first time that I enjoyed to be home all 3 weeks. Usually by the second week, Im beating my brain against a wall ready to go back. I guess being able to watch T.V in peace in my room, a PS3, and working will do that to you. Being home was actually like a release. I was able to regroup and gain some health back. I gained some of the weight back and have been working out. Along with that, Ive been eating regularly and have been weighing options for after graduation. I guess that might be a reason why I can wait. This is my last semester in College before the real world hits. I got to admit, Im kinda scared. I dont know whats in store for me right now but I know I have options and ima get it done.

Chapter 3: Wow, this is it

So, as i rest my head every night, my mind wonders into a multitde of questions concerning post graduation. I spin into a realm where I dont know the answers. I guess this is my mind figuring how im gonna manage in this world. Many people have done well, but many people have not. Along with the economy not doing so well, I just wonder. Along with it all, I met someone special and we chill alot. There is no relationship due to circumstances beyond our control but I dont want to leave her. I know its probably going to happen unless I go to Backup Plan 4 of my 4 plans. But I will have to enjoy the time now and stop thinking ahead because thats gonna make it worse. Also, Im really gonna miss all of the people that I had reached in some way at HU. All of my Lil bros and Sisters will be greatly missed and this semester will be used to spend as much time with them as possible. This semester Im not gonna think about Graduation because I know its gonna come. Im gonna think about the time now and take life one day at a time.

Well, thats enough for now.

Till next time

Tmac